Miss Havisham and Love

So I just saw the first part of the newest BBC version of Great Expectations (There have been several...This one comes through Masterpiece Theatre on PBS), with Gillian Anderson as Miss Havisham, an obsessive woman who was spurned at the marriage altar. It got me thinking...I hope I don't turn out like that.

The way Ms. Anderson interprets the character is that she is still obsessive, but one who, rather than wild, decays slowly with the passage of time mentally as well as physically. Like her wedding accoutrements, Miss Havisham is someone who can not let go of her past and so is left with a mirthless present and a dim and nearly dead future. She is gentler and more odd rather than completely diabolical. Although this interpretation is somewhat different from the dialogue of the original book--less angry and demeaning--this subtle change makes for a more thought-provoking introspection of the self afterwards.

I am nearly 25 years old, unmarried and a working professional at present. Though I certainly want to be married and have children someday, what is it that I can be doing in the meantime? I definitely do not wish to waste away merely waiting, for that would not be living at all. However, living only to work does not fit for me either, and I do wish to find love. I want it more deeply than I can say.

But like Miss Havisham, I wonder sometimes if I am too odd, too different to be truly acceptable in the place which I live. Unfortunately in this case, I am not a man nor a friend of mine, and so I cannot know what they think of me unless they tell me directly or give me some clue of their thoughts. Communication, of course, is integral in any relationship, and I do not hold these wonderings against anyone, but I must say that they do come to me from time to time.

What is my next step, since I can see my greatest goal met somewhere in the future, but without any specific knowledge of a timetable? Where shall I go to progress toward that, even if it does mean something new or an unexpected turn? These questions have been with me for some time, and I guess were finally culminated in revisiting Great Expectations. If you find yourself looking for a chance to reflect, watch it online at www.kued.org under Masterpiece.